Friday, 27 April 2007

• Currently Reading The Ultimate Weight Solution: The 7 Keys to Weight Loss Freedom By Phil McGraw see related

  !!CAUTION contains deep content!!

  God is funny!  Since my last post I've gotten a new wardrobe or the starts of one.  My wonderful father-in-law or husbands father (for my friend who does not understand the in-law thing) decided to take me and my two sister-in-laws (my husband's brother's wives) on a shopping spree.  I'm not exaggerating on the spree part.  He let us buy whatever we liked.  Which is a huge answer to a hearts desire and small prayer.  But it caused some growth too.

  Shopping comes naturally to some women, but not this one.  I loath shopping.  In fact I'd much rather be digging my grave then go shopping for myself.  Buying clothes is so hard since I am vertically challenged and round around the middle (working on changing that).  I get totally bummed while shopping and want nothing more than to throw myself down into my pillow and ball my eyes out.  Inside myself I just get all mad and anxious.  The picture that comes to mind is a cat clinging onto anything with dear life to not be tossed into the river.  That continual clawing motion trying to find anything to clutch onto to keep it from happening.  Well I gave the clawing up and got a good lot of clothing.  Even ventured out and bought a few things I wasn't too sure about. I really like most of what I got.  There are a few pairs of slacks I'm not so sure about.  Anyway, back to the point of my post...growth.

  My sister (in-law for technical people), Rhi, knows that I don't like purses and shared that with my father-in-law, Tim.  Who wanted us to buy really nice purses if we wanted to (Coach or whatever in that caliber).  Then I had to discuss why I don't like purses...they get in the way, one more thing I have to remember on top of the diaper bag and they make your shoulder hurt because you inevitably over pack them.  Plus I could never justify carrying an expensive purse.  The whole situation made me feel awkward.  Not really sure why, but it did.  In the quite moments I would wonder why it was awkward and why I don't like shopping or purses...had a lot of quiet moments last week because I had the flu...and discovered why.

  HERE IS THE REALIZATION that leads to growth.  Deep within me I believe that I am not worth the cost of a Coach purse...let alone the amount Tim has already spent on me.  It's sad to think that I've been emotionally scared enough to believe deep down that I have no value.  I've allowed a lie to change who I was created to be...to change me from a daughter of the MOST HIGH KING to lower than dirt.  So I've decided that this lie can no longer live here.  It must go...therefore I will embrace all the parts of me I want to reject.  I will wear flattering clothing and paint my toes (and occasional my nails) with color and wear jewelry.  And anything else I want to shun will be searched out and tested to see if it is an area that "the lie" still holds onto until every area is exposed. 

  Tim, my father-in-law, thought he was just buying his daughters clothes.  Bet he didn't expect to be a catalyst for change.  It's amazing to me how God always answers prayers...even ones you didn't ask for.

   

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