NOTE/WARNING:  My emotion toward this subject is blocking my ability to clearly express myself.  I will do my best and may clarify and expand later.

Yep I said it, divorce.  No I'm not asking for one or being asked for one.  Just watched a segment on the Today Show about divorce.  Ann Curry spoke to two people who are 'experts' on how to ask for a divorce.  In the segment they reported that you need to try your best to make the divorce civil for all involved.  The 'experts' instructed how to go about this.  Their biggest way to do this was to have the first and initial conversation asking for the divorce in a public place.  That way if the other party would be less likely to create a scene.  Thus allowing for the process to start off less volatile than if you did it in the privacy of the home.  They said the beginning of the divorce, the first asking for one, sets the tone for the whole divorce.  If you can avoid a heat up it will keep the heat down during the process. 

The 'experts' also made it clear to express that they are going to get through it together and that he/she is asking for the divorce for the better of both people.  The 'experts' also said the less friction the better for any children involved.  One of the 'experts' said, "to some degree a healthy divorce may be more important than a healthy marriage."  This whole segment is asinine! 

Divorce is a nasty and ugly proceeding.  The 'experts' talked about how asking for a divorce says to the other person you are a failure and brings out anger and jealousy along with some other dark colored feelings.  But they missed by a long shot what it really says...asking for a divorce says to the other person you are no longer worthy of being loved.  You are no longer worthy of my energy, time or effort.  Divorce devalues the person.  Coming to that point in a relationship may bring devalue to both people because it is a failure on both their parts.  They both failed to live actively involved with one another, sharing, caring, engaging.  They deadened themselves for something more dead...selfishness.  However selfishness is very much a living breathing organism that lives within us all.  It's the human sickness that has plagued us for generations. 

And now for several decades we have chosen to stop loving.  And we wonder why we are all lonely, detached and devoid of life....  I'll be posting more about divorce as I mull over and sort out my stand on it.  I am throughly against divorce unless one of the parties is unwilling to make amends and reengage in the relationship.  Any marriage can be saved if both people are willing to change how they view marriage and respond to that change.  Bold for someone who hasn't been married for long and comes from a divorce, I know.  But when I got married we agreed that divorce was not an option.  Still to this day it is not an option under any circumstance.

Time sure flies when you have little ones!!  Some days I cannot believe the day is over and it's past my 'bedtime'.  These past few weeks I've been busy working around my house.  Trying to catch up for the 15-18 month period where I just maintained it.  Just did what I had to do to get by.   Also trying to get myself back on a schedule for household chores and working out.  The working out schedule is coming along nicely thanks to some good friends.  Household chores are not coming along so well.  I use to have a routine I did that helped keep the house tidy.  Falling back into that routine has been hard.  Really it's because I'm a procrastinator.  There I've confessed...I am a procrastinator.  I like to put off for tomorrow what can be done today.  I am working on this and it's hard.

Along with the renewing of self discipline I've been taking the girls out more.  Going on bike rides, walks and to the park.  We've been doing a lot of sliding.  Maddie LOVES the slide.  The minute she sees one she say "WEE, WEE!!" and runs right for it.  It amazes me how many times she can go down the same slide without ever tiring.  In fact I get bored and have to encourage her to move on.  Sophie enjoys the whole playground.  I think she is a bit like me.  Something can keep her attention for so long then she is bored of it and moves on.  She does love to slide too.  Just not as much as Maddie does.

Maddie has also been doing a little wee, wee in the small potty.  Since the end of Feb. she has been using the potty when asked if she needs to go.  It started as a before bath or during bath ritual and moved into an every night before bed ritual.  Then one weekend she had a terrible diaper rash that needed to air out.  Since she could follow direction and knew when she wanted to use the potty I had hubby pull out the training potty.  I placed it in the kitchen and told her if her diaper was off she needed to be in the kitchen and to use the potty when she needed to.  She did!  Much to my surprise because I really expected to be cleaning up 'accidents' while letting the her run around diaperless.  But now she is using the potty two or three times a day :smile:  We are not pushing it, just encouraging.  I'm toying with making potty training a focus, but don't want to push...we'll see.  Time to get down the potty training books I read with Sophie and crack them open again.

On a personal note.  On March 7, 2008 as a gift to my hubby for our anniversary I got my hair styled.  No longer is it super long and blunt.  It now is just below the shoulders and has layers.  It's been a big adjustment since I've had my hair the same for about two decades.  But I like it.  Other people like to too which is affirming.  Who doesn't like to be affirmed?!?  Also as of tonight I am part of a book club.  Some of my girlfriend and I went to dinner and were talking about books.  Well....they were...I'm not much of a reader...the procrastinator part of me has trouble with finishing a book.  So one of them asked if any of us had thought of being apart of a book club or starting one.  Then before we knew it we were at Borders looking for a book.  I'm excited because I do well with deadlines and commitments to others.  I don't like to disappoint or not follow through when others are involved.  It's funny, but it's me :smile: